Saturday, December 15, 2012

No Light

I worked from home yesterday. It's a Friday habit though I've been doing it more so lately as conference calls dominate my day.

I received a phone call shortly before 10 a.m. saying that my child's school was in lockdown because of a shooting. It took me a minute to process that the shooting refered to could be at the school though there were no such details in the message. But then I recalled they locked it down a few years ago for the bank robbery. And then I walked into the kitchen. Ann was already making calls to everyone she knew in town. To sort it out your brain hopes for, wishes for, a best case scenario.

When you discover that the shooting is at your children's former elementary school and now that they're in Middle and High School they're safe the relief takes your breath away; texts arrive saying they're okay. The guilt I felt at the relief that warmed my heart remains; especially as the day played out.

We spent the morning and afternoon glued to the TV set watching the familiar setting overrun by armed men. We saw neighbors on TV gathering their young children, relieved that the kids we saw at bus stops along the street, are safe, at least those that you see, and praying that the rumors are not true.

And then they are true. And then the truth is worse than anyone could expect.

I want to run away. I want this not to have happened. I want the pain to end.

But all I can do is weep for my neighbors who's pain is immeasurably more than mine.

This morning the sun did not rise. There is no light in Sandy Hook though we look to the horizon hopeful for a dawn that will warm our hearts and comfort our children.

18 comments:

  1. Steve, I wiped a tear from my eye while reading this. I'm halfway across the country and yet my heart aches at this senseless act and the death of innocents. My thoughts and prayers are with the children and their families.

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  2. Dear Friend, Our thoughts and feelings are entirely for you and the folks in Newtown, today, tomorrow, and the days after. We will do whatever we can do to look after each other.

    Love to you, Ann and the boys.

    Jonny

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  3. Steve, the thoughts of me and my family are with you, your family and all Newtown residents and First Responders. I also live in a small CT town and cannot fathom the sadness that currently resides over Sandy Hook.

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  4. There is no pain, no heartache, that compares to the loss of a child. And to lose them in such a senseless manner is beyond comprehension. My heart breaks for the parents and the town.

    Hold one another. It's all you can do. Now and forever.

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  5. And if I may add, the light will return. Not today or tomorrow, but it will return. It will simply be seen through different eyes, in different ways. It must.

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  6. Truly a sad day for Newtown, Connecticut, and the world.
    Prayer will be the guideing light.

    Peace my friends.

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  7. Thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and prayers. It is a comfort to know that we are not alone and that our grief is shared. Bless you all.

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  8. There are no words...you and your family, your community, are heavy on my thoughts and in my prayers.

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    1. Thank you Erin. It has been a long couple of days.

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  9. Words. Nothing. Feelings. My heart is broken and like Howard and Erin, my deepest of prayer comes to you and the others in Newtown from Colorado. I am not sure how, but, "We Will Overcome".

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  10. Steve, I also live in Sandy Hook. It may take awhile, but the light will return.

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    1. Fin: I hope you and your family are well and making it through this tragedy as best can be expected.

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  11. I have been writing to blog about my experience for a while, but i tuck it away and tell myself nobody wants to hear my point of view. About 5 months before the columbine shooting happened, I had a friend who lost it and killed a bunch of people, 5 to be exact. I knew all of them but one, 3 of them well. He didn't kill himself as is so common. He was in prison for over 10 years and never really said anything about it. All this time, i was just hoping to hear what happened. even us who knew him best never knew. Then he was shot and killed in an escape attempt. it's been 2 1/2 years and it still haunts me.

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    1. Nate: I can't imagine the horror and sorrow of being so close to such an unspeakable tragedy. I grieve for you and your friends. I hope that by God's grace we can all find a path through this misery and create a more peaceful world where violence is less likely to affect the lives of innocents.

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    2. It's hard, it never really goes away completely, then every time there's another massacre, it opens everything right back up again. I used to drive right by the Sikh temple that had the shooting near Milwaukee on my way to work. Such a senseless act!

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  12. Jesus Steve, I didn't realized you lived there. As a parent I cannot even imagine what many in your town are going through. Our thoughts will be with you all up there for a long time to come.

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    1. Thanks, Pete. Knowing so many are behind us makes this mess a lot more bearable. It has been a troubling week though with the last of our dead buried it feels like we can now begin to find the path towards something that resembles a new normal.

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