Wednesday, December 21, 2011

ALERT: Special Christmas Present Opportunity (from you to me)

I'm sorry I didn't bring this special opportunity to your attention earlier, but I've been busy.

I know most of you haven't bought me a Christmas present yet. I'm sure it's just an oversight; I've got a few more to pick up myself.

To save you all the trouble and bother of the malls, I've found the ideal gift for you to leave under my tree.

Trout Run.

No, not that charming town in Pennsylvania but rather the faux Camp David located in Thurmond, Maryland. And it's only $9 million. If all my readers chip in and do their part, that's only $3 million each and if they tell a couple of friends, well, you could make me happy for a whole lot less on a per capita basis.

This property has everything I'd need to make me happy:

  • Gates to keep out folks who read my blog riffraff and poaching scum
  • A tired, old rustic looking house for me and my family and a limited number of you whom I actually like as long as you keep your visits short and ply me with extravagant gifts.
  • A bell which I'd ring in the early morning as a way to encourage hangers-on, dead beat relatives and riffraff who got past the gates to move to quieter places that aren't owned by me.
  • A shuffleboard court (or whatever you call the place shuffleboard is played). I've never been on a cruise and now I wouldn't have to go on one just to play shuffleboard. My kids could practice and get shuffleboard scholarships to elite universities.
  • "a two-mile trout stream running through the property" upon whose banks I could start a private club force feeding rainbow trout with trout chow and charging my personal friends upwards of $80,000 to catch them.... wait a minute, I think that's already been done.
  • Several small streams at which I'd hold small stream conclaves and invite all the small stream blogger brethren and sistren to so that we could fish and dance and sing and play other reindeer games.
Hold on, I just clicked on the realtor link and it says the property is no longer for sale.

One of you must have bought it!

For me!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I can't wait until Christmas morning!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!*

*Regardless of whether you contributed to this wondrous and generous gift or not.


  1. Okay. I admit it. I bought it for you. Go ahead and head up that way. The gate will be locked and, since I haven't yet put the key under your tree, just break in and make yourself at home.

    We'll all catch up with you there a little later.

    Happy holiday, my friend. And pass my season's greetings on to the constable.

  2. Merry Christmas, Steve! And when your Christmas wish comes true, please, invite me to the conclave! :)

  3. Mike: Your special kindness during this holiday season will be cherished for years (and be well documented in the criminal justice archives of the State of Maryland)

    E: You betcha!

  4. Merry Christmas! And I've fished around Thurmont (water bodies not to be named, by punishment of death)......if you ever plan to be down in that neck of the woods, it's just 90 minutes from my home. Happy to fish with you. Plenty of smallies, bucketmouths, and trout.

  5. I can't offer a monetary contribution, but I can offer a fly or two. Wonderful gift if you can pull it off.
    Merry Christmas Steve.

  6. River: Thx for the invite, I'm toying with a road trip to fish down in the Smokies/Blue Ridge area next year. Probably a little more of a stretch for you but it might be an opportunity for a East Coast blogger fish fest.

    Brk: You're always on my short list for small stream conclaves.

  7. I bought it for you, but am now having second thoughts. How about I let you visit? For a nominal fee of course.

  8. Clif: Where's the holiday spirit?! Let go. Embrace the spirit of the season!