The Answers

Sit back and learn. Don't be angry. Just accept.

Not just for breakfast anymore!

1) A "Stimulator" is:

1. Damn, you have a dirty mind....
2. An attractor fly pattern developed by Randall Kaufman though some say it was someone else.
3. ✓ A double shot of espresso and a PBR.
4. The mating dance of a Yellowstone Panda Bear

While I know that an undulating Yellowstone Panda can be quite intoxicating to those of you who have witnessed this rare beast, all the big guides know the way to burn off the morning fog is a double shot and a bit of the Hair o' the Dog. Now that's Stimulatin'! Especially if they have to spend a day rowing your sorry ass around the river catching nothin'.

The best of both worlds. And
 Grizzly's prefer it two to one
over Jack Daniels.

2) A rabbit's foot is best used for:

1. A high floating wing material for dry flies and emergers as made famous by Tom Rosenbauer, Orvis fly fishing expert, in his eponymous Rosenbauer Rabbit's Foot Emerger
2. Hopping down the bunny trail
3. ✓ Dipping in barbecue sauce and secretly placing in the back of your buddy's vest when a bear approaches.
4. A chew toy for your fishing dog.*

I've tried to use elk feet for such but have run into two problems: 1) They just don't soak up the barbecue sauce like bunny legs and B) try jamming one of those things in the back of a fly vest without being noticed. Stealth is the key. And being upwind of the walking dinner bell.

3) A Cutbow is:

1. A First Nation (i.e. Native American or, as John Wayne used to say, "Injun") tool used to perform minor oral surgery.
2. A hybrid of a Rainbow Trout and a Cutthroat Trout despised by conservationists and fisheries biologists and valued by apathetic anglers everywhere.
3. A new tool in the Leatherman™  lineup used by Idaho bow hunters during elk season.
4. ✓ There is no "d", the answer is above.

Why do you look at me so stupidly? Of course the answer is above. You are no expert.

4) When measuring the length of a fish one should:

1. Measure from the tip of the nose to the fork of the tail
2. Measure from the tip of the nose to the tip of the tail.
3. ✓ Why measure, you know how long it is.
4. Ask your buddy to measure it so as to get the most accurate, independent measurement.**

The opening on my net is 17 inches long. Any fish that fits in it is therefore 17 inches long. Everything that doesn't, is bigger, let's say 20 inches. Why is this so difficult?

Maybe there is a wrong way to
rig a hopper-dropper-dropper-
hopper

5) When fishing a dropper fly in a nymph rig it is best to:

1. Tie the fly to the bend of the hook on the upper fly
2. Tie the fly to the eye of the upper fly.
3. Tie the fly to the tag end of the tippet knot.
4. ✓ You think too much. Put the damn thing wherever you want. The fish don't give a crap.

Now I could cite the many quantitative studies that have been done to distinguish one set-up from another but they don't exist. I use method "a". But there's nothing anyone can say that would convince me that it's the right way. Or the wrong way for that matter. It's just the way I do it.

6) A strike indicator*** should be placed how far up the leader:

1. You use a strike indicator?! You should learn to euro nymph.
2. 1.5 times the water depth, more or less, depending on streamflow.
3. Who the hell cares! Halford didn't nymph fish and neither do I.
4. ✓ A far as you need to catch bottom. If you ain't losing flies, you're not catching fish.

Now I understand how much Hank, and you, regret losing an eighty-nine cent fly. But when the fishies are on nymphs, they're on the bottom. Get down. Get dirrrrty. Start with five BB split shot and add more as necessary. Use a larger bobber indicator if necessary.

What they're drinking when
you've gone home.

 7) Stream-cred often comes from the brands you chose. Which brand should you display to appear most credible to other anglers?

1. Simms
2. Orvis
3. ✓ Pabst Blue Ribbon
4. ✓ Macallan

You might have noticed that there are two correct answers here. That's because it's a reverse mullet answer; party in the front, business out back. When the sports, that's all of you, are around the guides are all "PBR". But when you're back at your cheap motel nursing your wounded psyches, they're drinking the good stuff. Scotch. Bourbon. Miller High Life.

8) You're fishing a spot of water and a guy walks by and asks you how it's going. You answer that you're catching a few. He asks you what they're hitting. You:

1. Vaguely describe the size and color
2. Tell him the specific pattern and size
3. ✓ Say, "Wooley Buggers and Pheasant Tails!", unless that's actually what they're hitting.
4. Give him your best crazy stare muttering unintelligibly while returning to your fishing.

I don't often tell another person what I'm using, but when I do, I lie. That's right, you need to lie. All the fish are yours and you're a fool if you share hard won intel on how to get 'em. The most convincing and confounding lie is the one that, even if it sounds like a lie, may actually be true. That's the beauty of "Wooley Buggers and Pheasant Tails". Sure you said it like the surly wise-ass that you are, but maybe, just maybe, it's what you're catching them on. Best said while you're tying on a large dry fly.

In order to fish for carp, you'll need
carp flies. Carp Flies. Get it? Carp...
flying... oh forget it.

9) When wade fishing for Carp what weight rod should you use:

1. Weight? What the hell does that mean?
2. A five weight. There's nothing like the sound of big golden bones snapping graphite.
3. ✓ Carp? Aren't those glorified gold fish? I can't believe people fish for them.
4. An eight weight with a reel with a solid drag.. You need some backbone to land freshwater bones.

Clearly they're goldfish. Exotic, mutantly large, strong, wily goldfish, but goldfish nonetheless. Sure they rip line off the reel like a bonefish and they're available to practically anyone, anywhere. And folks in Europe actually consider them a game fish. But what's so special? 

10) Tenkara is:

1. Fishing with a glorified radio antenna from a 1972 Dodge Dart.
2. A fly fishing technique from Japan practiced with a long telescoping rod and no reel. The word Tenkara means "from heaven"
3. Practiced only by slightly odd people.
4. ✓ Something we'll all eventually try so we might as well give in.

Tenkara is Japanese for
"Dodge Dart." Maybe
this can be the next Clyde

Like carp fishing, Tenkara is one of those fads that I absolutely want to resist but I feel the gravitational pull of.... something. I suppose it won't be too long before I'm losing those goofy looking Tenkara flies in stream side brush and whipping my Dodge Dart antenna about small streams everywhere. Tenkara Carp*, anyone?

Scoring

• Give yourself one point for every correct answer
• Subtract ten points for every incorrect answer
• Add 100 points to the total if you consider yourself an expert.

Results

• Less than zero points: Remedial action is clearly necessary. You should subscribe to this blog and follow my advice precisely.
• Zero or more points: Congratulations, you are an expert! As such you are approved to comment on this blog.

Enjoy your weekend, expert, you've earned it.

*Sorta sounds like something you'd find on the menu at a Japanese restaurant.

Hank Patterson ain't nothin'

The Man

I know Hank Patterson is quite the rage these days. From Boise all the way across to Butte and all the places in between people are Snapping It™ and fishing Mating Midge and Morgy flies based upon his advice.

I've always wanted to be a fly fishing expert but lacking experience I always felt like that might be an impediment to expertise. But the early lessons of T.J. Brayshaw and now the inspiration of Hank have caused me to revisit this conclusion.

As such, I'd like you to test your knowledge of fly fishing against mine. Hopefully you'll learn a thing or two and read this blog with a touch more respect and earnestness in the future. I'll provide the answer key tomorrow.

1) A "Stimulator" is:

1. Damn, you have a dirty mind....
2. An attractor fly pattern developed by Randall Kaufman though some say it was someone else.
3. A double shot of espresso and a PBR.
4. The mating dance of a Yellowstone Panda Bear

2) A rabbit's foot is best used for:

1. A high floating wing material for dry flies and emergers as made famous by Tom Rosenbauer, Orvis fly fishing expert, in his eponymous Rosenbauer Rabbit's Foot Emerger
2. Hopping down the bunny trail
3. Dipping in barbeque sauce and secretly placing in the back of your buddy's vest when a bear approaches.
4. A chew toy for your fishing dog.*

3) A Cutbow is:

1. A First Nation (i.e. Native American or, as John Wayne used to say, "Injun") tool used to perform minor oral surgery.
2. A hybrid of a Rainbow Trout and a Cutthroat Trout despised by conservationists and fisheries biologists and valued by apathetic anglers everywhere.
3. A new tool in the Leatherman™  lineup used by Idaho bow hunters during elk season.
4. There is no "d", the answer is above.

4) When measuring the length of a fish one should:

1. Measure from the tip of the nose to the fork of the tail
2. Measure from the tip of the nose to the tip of the tail.
3. Why measure, you know how long it is.
4. Ask your buddy to measure it so as to get the most accurate, independent measurement.**

5) When fishing a dropper fly in a nymph rig it is best to:

1. Tie the fly to the bend of the hook on the upper fly
2. Tie the fly to the eye of the upper fly.
3. Tie the fly to the tag end of the tippet knot.
4. You think too much. Put the damn thing wherever you want. The fish don't give a crap.

6) A strike indicator*** should be placed how far up the leader:

1. You use a strike indicator?! You should learn to euro nymph.
2. 1.5 times the water depth, more or less, depending on streamflow.
3. Who the hell cares! Halford didn't nymph fish and neither do I.
4. A far as you need to catch bottom. If you ain't losing flies, you're not catching fish.

 7) Stream-cred often comes from the brands you chose. Which brand should you display to appear most credible to other anglers?

1. Simms
2. Orvis
3. Pabst Blue Ribbon
4. Macallan

8) You're fishing a spot of water and a guy walks by and asks you how it's going. You answer that you're catching a few. He asks you what they're hitting. You:

1. Vaguely describe the size and color
2. Tell him the specific pattern and size
3. Say, "Wooley Buggers and Pheasant Tails!", unless that's actually what they're hitting.
4. Give him your best crazy stare muttering unintelligibly while returning to your fishing.

9) When wade fishing for Carp what weight rod should you use:

1. Weight? What the hell does that mean?
2. A five weight. There's nothing like the sound of big golden bones snapping graphite.
3. Carp? Aren't those glorified gold fish? I can't believe people fish for them.
4. An eight weight with a reel with a solid drag.. You need some backbone to land freshwater bones.

10) Tenkara is:

1. Fishing with a glorified radio antenna from a 1972 Dodge Dart.
2. A fly fishing technique from Japan practiced with a long telescoping rod and no reel. The word Tenkara means "from heaven"
3. Practiced only by slightly odd people.
4. Something we'll all eventually try so we might as well give in.

See you tomorrow for the answers!

* As fellow expert brethren John Gierach points out, there's no such thing as a fishing dog.
** But remember, this is the same guy you asked to watch your PBR and that didn't go so well.
*** Bobber

The Guide Experience

Dan Harrison working hard

Midcurrent expert Phillip Monohan responded to a a question about the do's and don'ts of hiring a guide on this week's column. I can't argue with much of what he says. His essential point of view is that you've hired a guide based upon his experience, so listen to him. Sound counsel.

I hire guides a couple of times a year. Mostly to fish water that's new to me while on vacation. I generally get only a brief period on family vacations to fish so I like to make the most of them. I do hire the Harrison Brothers a few times a year to fish the Deerfield River but I think I enjoy their company as much as the fishing.

So here's my thoughts on getting the most out of a guide:

• Before you hire one, ask around. Internet discussion forums, Facebook, etc. Find someone who's fished with a guide in the locale you're looking to fish. Find one they like. Interrogate them on why they liked the guide. Make sure the things they liked are the things you would like. I once hired Rachel Finn out of the Hungry Trout in Wilmington, NY. She got us on fish. That said, she has a drill instructor personality. We marched a whole bunch and she forced (or shamed) you to make casts that you thought you couldn't but actually could. It was a great day. I'd hire her again; but she might not be for everyone.
• Find out if you're fishing with the guy you're talking to or someone else. Once, someone whose opinion I highly value gave me a tip on a Delaware River guide. I called the guy and we eventually set a date to fish together. When I got there, I was fishing with one of his guides, not him. The guide I got was okay but was not a great fit personality-wise.  I'd still like to fish with this guy but felt a little bait and switched if you'll pardon the pun. Maybe someday.
• Have a chat with the guide to set expectations. This is more of a two way street that Phillip lets on in his article. Tell the guide what you'd like from the day. Are you after a trophy -- one monster would make you happy? Do you want to fish natives? If I'm fishing with the boys my goal is fish to the net. I'd rather fish a small creek knowing we're going to get fish to the net with enough frequency to keep everyone interested that to get trophies. Then let the guide manage your expectations. He will recommend water and tactics. Go with them.
• In that chat, find out what sort of personality the guide has. I've fished with three types: Confident Professional, Intense Angler, Laid Back Rower. Confident Professional is my pick. He's a guy or gal who has good interpersonal skills, talks about his craft without seeming too arrogant and, most importantly, listens. The Intense Angler can be good if you like serious Type A personalities. He's talkative; in fact you don't get to talk. He lets you know when you've missed an opportunity. He may take it personally if you're not catching fish. Some of these guys I can take; most are going in the "jerk" category. Laid Back Rower never seems to work hard enough even though he's doing as much as the other guys. I fished with one of these on the Delaware. We got on fish though I always felt the decisions were mine to make. That said, he did a nice job rowing the boat.
• Call your guide  a week or so before the trip. Guides work with hundreds of people during the season. He's not going to remember your expectation setting discussion from four months ago. Find out the conditions and how those conditions might require a different play. Adapt.
• When you meet your guide on the day of the trip, go over these expectations again. Get his read on things. Again, adapt. Even once you're on the water, adapt. I can remember one day when I was after trout we had the opportunity to get into a mess of bass and shad. I wasn't particularly interested but I gave it a try. WHAT A BLAST! Be ready for unexpected opportunities and seize them. Nothing mixes up a day of catching thirteen inch trout like a twenty-two inch shad horsing line from the reel.
• While the selfish part of your brain will tell you that you've paid someone to help you catch fish, that's not what's going on here. You've paid someone to take you fishing. The catching may well be as fickle as if you'd gone yourself. That's the reality of the situation. I've never been skunked with a guide but I've had one fish days. Of course, that one fish was twenty-one inches long.
• Most importantly, relax. You're going to feel pressured to meet the guide's expectations of setting the hook at the right time, seeing every dip in the indicator, spotting the fish finning in the cushion in front of every boulder. But you're paying him. So, chill. It's not about meeting the guides expectations. It's about fishing some great water, learning a bit of the craft (ask tons of questions), and perhaps sharing the experience with a buddy.

Who would I fish with again? These folks.

Tom and Dan Harrison, Harrison Anglers, Deerfield River, Massachusetts
Brown Hobson, Brown Trout Fly Fishing, South Fork of the Pigeon, North Carolina
Jimmi Morales, Sierra Fly Fisher, Secret Yosemite Creeks, California
Rachel Finn, Hungry Trout Fly Shop, Ausable River, New York

Folks I wouldn't fish with again? Well, I'm not that kind of sport.

Tom Rosenbauer, Angler of the Year

Usually this whole "[INSERT ROLE] of the Year" stuff just doesn't interest me much. Mostly cause the stuff they're being recognized for either doesn't interest me or I don't see how this person influenced the thing they're touted for. Mark Zuckerberg, Time Person of the Year?! Nice website he's got there but jeez, it's not world peace. Didn't make or break my year.

Now, Angler of the Year, that's something I can connect with.

And Tom Rosenbauer as Angler of the Year? Makes perfect sense.